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Faces of Vulnerability

Faces of vulnerability

Faces of Vulnerability

Many of my learning moments come from my clients. From groups to therapeutic sessions to speaking at conferences and workshops. One this that remains consistent across the different arenas, the word vulnerability makes people run for the hills. Is it the word? Or the idea of what they will need to do to show a representation of the word? Either way it brings a reaction to those hearing it.

 

For some the face of vulnerability is anxiety. That face is one who starts to think of all the worst results of consequences of the action. One who is suspicious of the actions of others, while taking a second look at themselves? This face for many is overwhelming and not welcomed in intimate spaces. Many pretend they do not see this face or even have this face themselves.

Another face of vulnerability is shame. Shame presents itself when the reminder to being vulnerable means sharing those actions we aren’t very proud of. The past we want to so desperately forget and hid from. The “old” self we no long want to be acquainted with.  This face tends to sit back and observe every other face and want to pass judgement on others to deflect the shame they have for themselves.

Vulnerability comes in the face of confusion for some. This face presents it’s self because pieces are missing. Either from extensive trauma or numbing. In addition numbing is another face of vulnerability. We numb because we hurt due to situations where vulnerability showed it’s face and we were taken advantage of. Hence the face of confusion.

Lastly the face of vulnerability can be seen as a face of acceptance. A face that has traveled through all of the prior faces and maybe a few others. This face has run from being transparent and willing to change. Yet even in the time of confusion, a clear picture can be seen when you have the willingness to make change. Finding the balance between honesty and acceptance of self and others. We cannot change the things we are unable to change in the lives of others however we can change our perspective towards change.

Being vulnerable is also about having the willingness to change. Vulnerability in itself is all about change. Changing the way we think and approach a situation and allowing ourselves the opportunity to let others in as others let us in. The face a vulnerability is a face we wear at some point or another. However as we continue to grow and learn from one another, take not on the faces that encourage us to change. Redefine your understanding towards vulnerability. It can be strong, empowering, supportive, willing, accepting and caring if you allow yourself to become vulnerable. These too are faces of vulnerability and I challenge you to use one of these faces instead!

Effective Communication

Three Components to Effective Communication, MGS Counseling, Communication, Listening,Motivation, Growth Success

 

Communication is undoubtedly the foundation of all relationships; without it, there is no hope for a successful and healthy future with someone. Pretty extreme, right? Well, whether this statement is referring to a romantic relationship or to one with a friend or parent, it is crucial to begin to exercise and practice this. So, what is communication? Communication is the way to avoid or fix problems, as it is the pathway to understanding someone’s perspective. I have seen a lack in communication in my generation. Maybe it’s because of social media, hiding behind a screen we feel more inclined to “tweet” out about feelings instead of talking them out.

One thing is for sure, however, I have noticed a trend. I’ve seen many people simply disregard the problem, keep their pride high, act unbothered, and move on. I am guilty of this, as well. Why is this an issue? It’s quite simple- when we speak our minds, we are able to address problems and work from there. If these issues are never brushed upon, they will not only stay, but will eventually develop into more serious complications. “Ok, so I just blurt out how I feel when something upsets me, right?”, wrong. There is a method to approaching communicating the “right way” in order for it to be successful.

  • Step 1: Reflect. Try to understand why you feel a certain way. What upset you? How can this be avoided in the future? More importantly, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How does the other person feel about the matter? Why are they acting a certain way? This tends to be the most difficult part, as most of the time people are blinded to their own mistakes so tend to blame everything on the other person. Put yourself in their position and try to see why there is a miscommunication in the first place. Remember that you can’t change a person, you can only help them understand how you feel and work from there.
  • Step 2: Make a list. Two of my best friends have taught me to make lists before facing a confrontation. The reason being that once you start addressing how you feel, one tends to mention irrelevant past scenarios which only leads to more problems as one speaks with resent about things that can not be changed. The list should state: that you understand how the other person feels, how you feel, why you feel that way, and what you suggest the solution should be. Keep it short and simple.
  • Step 3: The talk. Remember the purpose of this conversation- you are trying to find solutions. Speak with respect and give them the time they hopefully gave you to speak. The person will admire you for taking initiative in mentioning the elephant in the room.

I have yet to meet a mind reader. If you want something or feel a certain way, you have to let the other person know. Without communicating, nothing will get solved. If talking things out doesn’t work, at least you tried. In that case, take mental notes on how the person dealt with the confrontation, as it will help you in the future with that relationship and others. Staying quiet, however, is not the way to move forward with someone, as this is quite detrimental. If you really can not build up the courage to speak face-to-face, write a handwritten letter; those are always appreciated. Whatever you do, communicate.

 

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By: Valentina Verano, Marketing Intern

Gail Wilson is a Therapist, Life Coach and Public Speaker in South Florida. Mrs. Wilson works with mothers dealing with postpartum and fathers who have difficulty with transitional changes after a new child. In addition Mrs. Wilson works with individuals, couples and families to find their inner strength and resolve interpersonal and relational conflicts. To schedule an appointment with Mrs. Wilson call (754) 999-0410 or contact by email at Gail@mgscounseling.com

https://www.facebook.com/MGS-Counseling-and-Therapy-Services-LLC-217157051780161/

Finding Strength in the Midst of Loss

Missing YouDuring our last gathering, the ladies of the MGS Sister Circle shared their struggles with grieving loss.  Through the materials we shared, we came to understand that grieving does not only apply to losing someone to death.  It also applies to the loss of who someone was to you or the loss of their functioning in their life or relationship.  The Sisters shared personal experiences of how they were able to grieve and how they continue to struggle with making sense of their loss.  Some even came to realize that they are in a perpetual state of grief as they struggle with understanding the loss of who their loved one was to them even as they fear one day losing them to death.  One of the more effective ways that we discussed of working through the loss involved letter writing.  Specifically writing a two-way letter; one to our loved and one back from our loved one with how we imagine they would respond.  The other way was through offering and accepting support from others.  Sometimes all it takes is a kind word or a hug!

If you are struggling with grieving loss in your life, I would like to help.  Call Shari at (754) 999-0716 to schedule your appointment.

MGSSisterCircleThe MGS Sister Circle meets every other Wednesday evening at 6:30pm.  Call Shari at (754) 999-0716 for this month’s dates.  Like MGS Counseling and Therapy Services on Facebook for information and updates on future gatherings, topics and guest speakers.

Shari Warner, JD, LMFT is a Therapist, Attorney and Public Speaker in South Florida.  Shari works with individuals and couples to find their inner strength and resolve interpersonal and relational conflicts.  To schedule an appointment with Shari call (754) 999-0716 or email her at shari@mgscounseling.com.